I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
