If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
