you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
