how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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