my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Define "chronic" masturbator.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
