Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
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