Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
