im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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