We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
