i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
