And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
