WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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