I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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