His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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