The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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