He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Randomize
