i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
