Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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