A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
