his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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