dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
