even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
