Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
