OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
