My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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