she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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