Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
