who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
