I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
be right there i have to get my cape
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
