Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
