Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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