OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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