My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
