I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Randomize
