Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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