Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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