so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
