sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
