Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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