carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I need a beard to bite.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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