Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
