his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
