ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I am available for nakedness
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
