Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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