shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
