Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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