In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
