She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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