just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
