Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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