her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
