I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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